The word itself isn't new. It has been around in Portuguese since the 13th century. But it is new to me. It startled me because I didn't know there was a word for these feelings I carry inside.
And there isn't a word in English. There are collections of words, phrases that circle the implications and impact of the feeling, but don't quite get its essence.
Saudade.
It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. It often carries with it a repressed knowledge that the object of longing may never return.
Saudade is the love that remains after someone is gone. When their absence is a presence and everything reminds you of them. You not only miss them, but it hurts, and you keep on looking for them.
According to historians, this word came into popular use in the 15th century, although it had appeared in a medieval Portuguese songbook two centuries earlier. It later became a catchword when Portuguese ships sailed to Africa and Asia. A sadness was felt for those who departed on the long journeys to the unknown. There were stories of shipwrecks and battles. The women and children left behind suffered deeply from the absence of their men. There was the constant feeling that something was missing, the yearning for the presence of the loved ones who had sailed.
Saudade can apparently be bittersweet. Sad and happy feelings collide. Sadness for the loss, and yet happiness for the ecstasy of having been able to love that person.
It is like playing the Aminor chord on my guitar and feeling its sadness and beauty resonating inside me.
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